you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
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