these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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