I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Randomize
