how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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