I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
