Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
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