Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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