I love black thongs
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
