Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
