I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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