and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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