I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I don't deserve a penis
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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