he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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