Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize