So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
