I'm so fucking centered right now
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Randomize
