I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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