I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I didn't notice because vodka
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
