Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
