I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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