dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
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You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize