He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
