Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Randomize
