This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
