God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Randomize
