If i come over, it means nothing
You're so nebulous sometimes
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Randomize
