quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Randomize
