Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Randomize
