I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
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