Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
