also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
