I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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