he thought i was a dude.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
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