I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
