everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Randomize
