Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Randomize
