I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
