..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
