Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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