Midget sex pt 2 tonight
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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