If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I lost the right to judge tonight
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Randomize
