Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
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