I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Please don't give away my fajitas
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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