You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
