I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Randomize
