the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Randomize
