I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
