Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
You left your underwear on the fireplace
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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