i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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