you guys were way drunker than both of me
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
