God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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