I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
