my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
