So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Randomize
