I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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