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were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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