my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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