we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
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