You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
