help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Randomize
