Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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