she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
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My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
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