i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
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