this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
