And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
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I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
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That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
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