I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
