He is such a slut. More and more my type.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Found the puke drawer
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
