walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I think I sprained my soul last night
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Randomize
