You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Randomize
