After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Help. Why am I so naked?
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
