I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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