Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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