I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Randomize
